Excerpts from "Turkish
Tales " journal, August 2001
"Our departure is delayed by a frantic search for my wallet
which eventually materialises in its usual hiding place..."
 Ship
Ahoy!
"...As the wind is up again, I elect to go for another sail.
This time I examine the boat carefully. The rudder is repaired but
the centre board string is still rather frayed. I decide to risk
it. The boys are concerned that I wear a life jacket as 'It is very
windy and dangerous'. Undaunted I jump in and I'm off like an express
train bouncing over waves. I decide to go about near the marker
buoy but immediately the boat capsizes and I'm in the water. What
to do? Think, remember capsize drill, not that I've ever had to
do it but I've watched others. I swim around to the upturned hull
and grab the centre board and swing on it with all my weight hoping
the damn thing won't snap and impale me. After an enormous effort
the hull turns at right angles and the sail emerges from the deep.
Heaving on the side of the boat rights it and I crash into the cockpit,
somewhat surprised to find it empty of water. It has been full since
the launch!...
Sketch right - Map of the ill-fated boat trip!
"I hardly have time to breathe a sigh of relief when I discover
I'm heading for the barrier that protects the swimmers from idiots
like me. Totally fast and unable to drop sail I haul up the centre
board and manage to slip into the prohibited area. Sailing close
to wind I manage to slow her down, turn her about and immediately
shoot towards the barrier again. This time managing to simultaneously
lift the centre board and the rudder to clear the rope. Now the
problem is to go about again in rough conditions without capsizing.
I have to give myself sufficient clearance to miss the barrier on
my return trip. The bloody thing resists and I feel myself being
blown off course. Eventually she goes about and I just manage to
clip the buoy at the corner. Now I'm careering towards the shore
but I'm determined to go about once more before admitting defeat.
I do go about and she goes over again. In fact, it happens twice!..."
Turkish Massage
"...I brave a massage, Turkish style, at 9.30am. I enter the
subterranean vault under the cascade bar where the fitness centre
is located. I'm relieved of £20 and asked to take all my clothes
off, and put them in a locker. 'Bracelets too please' she says fiercely
looking at my anti-arthritis copper. I sheepishly comply and gird
my loins with a towel. 'Go in there' says the girl attendant pointing
at the door. I do as I'm told, wandering what to expect - a Swedish
style sauna masquerading as a Turkish bath full of naked ladies?
No, just a very simple but lavishly marbled octagonal traditional
Turkish sweat room with Turkish fountains in every corner. The centre
is filled with a huge octagonal slab which I eye suspiciously wondering
what will happen to me on that.
"A bean pole with a moustache and long red shorts enters carrying
several towels. He rips off my locker key from my wrist and takes
off my towel telling me to lie down 'Front'. I meekly comply and
find the slab hot enough to fry an egg on. While I'm wondering how
I can possibly sustain this, I discover my towel is being arranged
between my cheeks..."
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